Saturday was a pretty bad day for me. I lost my damn mind and ended up a sobbing mess in the arms of DH because I really miss "my girls". My SIL is a drug addict and back in July, we had to take her kids away for a little while until she got it together. Since she got them back, she has not let us see them, to punish us for trying to get her to get clean and give her kids the lives they deserve. Due to the fact that she is a drug addict, DH and I have been hugely involved in the lives of his nieces ever since they were born. One is now 14 and the other is 6. The 14 year old lived with us for three days a week from the time she was two until she was seven and I have spent three to four days a week caring for the six year old since she was born (up until July). We also had the girls at our house every other weekend for years and took them on NYE trips almost every year. It is hard to not have them around. I miss them enormously. Not being able to conceive has been even more difficult since we haven't had my girls and as we are almost certainly out of insurance coverage (I'll find out for sure when my RE's office tries to get approval for IUI #4 if this one fails) I am desperate to try and find a way to continue treatment.
I am not ready to give up. I just can't. And the only thing I can think of to try and get money to continue treatment is to ask people for help. But we are in the closet so that makes it a little big difficult. I don't want to share what is happening in my womb, or more accurately what is not happening in my womb, with everyone and their mom but if we are going to get help with the finances of continued IUIs and possibly IVF, I am willing to give up my privacy for the chance of having a baby.
I also know that I will get a lot of flack from my Catholic family members who disagree with using any assisted reproductive technologies, so dealing with them will be a challenge all on its own.
In my mind, there is the noble reason for "coming out" which is to spread awareness and to educate people and there is the selfish reason to come out: to get money. I feel guilty considering using Infertility Awareness Week as a fundraising tool to help further our ability to get treatment but I cannot think of an alternative.
My plan would be to create a separate blog in which I would tell my story. On said blog, I would put a link to a give forward or another fundraising site, so as not to be too much of a beggar. It hurts my pride to ask for money but there's not much else I can do. We have put all of our money into our current business and DH's startup so that we have a strong financial future for us and our future children and their wants/needs and education, but there isn't much left to do anything else right now and Lord knows I am only getting older.
DH is completely indifferent. He says he will support me no matter what I decide. Which is sweet but kind of annoying! I need an opinion! So I am putting it to all you wonderful ladies. Is is terrible of me to consider coming out for the sole purpose of fund raising?