Friday, July 31, 2015

3rd Beta and more

Just to be sure everything is progressing, my doctor ordered a 3rd beta for this past Monday and it came back at 18,671 which is a doubling time of 34 hours! :) We are pretty excited that things are moving right along and have ultrasounds scheduled for the 10th and 24th of August. After that, I'll graduate from my RE and move on to an OB.

I've been surprised at my ability to push out all the scary thoughts. I decided, once I saw the first test with a second line that I was just going to celebrate my pregnancy. I was not going to dwell on fears or what-ifs, I was going to be happy that I am pregnant, take good care of myself and think positive thoughts. So far, I've only had a few scary thoughts creep into my mind and I've managed to push them away. I am pregnant, happy and excited.

We told my parents and sisters and my BFF (mostly because my parents were here during IVF and FET and both of my sisters knew what was going on too) but haven't told DH's mom yet. TBH, neither of us trusts her to not tell other people so we are waiting until at least after the first u/s to tell her. It's kind of hard because she lives down the street but I've been avoiding any talk about IF treatment with her and DH has been intervening as much as possible. Also, DH has decided that he no longer wants anything to do with his drug addict sister and brother and she is still in contact with them and he doesn't trust her not to share our news with them.

In other news, we've decided to do a DNA test for DH to find out his heritage. He is adopted and what little info his parents were given, they've never passed on to him. I am Irish to the core and celebrate my heritage and DH doesn't want to have to tell our baby(ies) that they are Irish and who knows what else. TBH, I have always thought that DH is Cuban. He was born in Florida and most definitely is not a white boy, it's the only thing that has ever made sense to me. We are both really excited to find out his background. :)

So, that's all my news for now! I am still adjusting to not being a part of the IF community anymore, which has been a bit of an adjustment. I miss my girls and am rooting for them like crazy but from a distance now, which is hard. I pray that they can all join me on the other side, soon.

Tuesday, July 21, 2015

Cramps are a good thing! ****BFP WARNING*****

My clinic likes to torture people and not give you your results until after the second beta comes in. But my nurse is not a masochist so she actually called me yesterday and said that my first beta was 110 (at 8dp5dt)!

I was super excited but also nervous because what I really wanted to hear was whether or not the numbers were doubling! I knew I was KU because I POAS obsessively:

So finally, this morning, my nurse called and said my second beta is "wonderful" at 661 (11dp5dt)!
I am so excited and so totally knocked up!!! I cannot believe it! I'll be back after I've had time to process but I just really wanted to share the good news!!!

Saturday, July 11, 2015


On Thursday we transferred two beautiful hatching embies that melted my heart. The transfer went perfectly, my lining looked fantastic and I almost peed on the table! LOL When they had me lay back at an angle after it was over, I had to pee so bad, I was holding myself and DH went out and got my nurse and asked for a bed pan. I just couldn't hold it! So, I relieved myself in the bed pan and then went back to relaxing for a bit.

DH and I just stared at the frozen image of our transfer on the screen, held each other and cried. DH is too cute, he made me a bed in the back of our SUV so I could comfortably lay down the whole drive home (2 hours) and I immediately hit the couch when we got home. My RE says bed rest for three days so I am binge watching and laying around which is harder than it sounds. I'd love to get up and go for a walk!

Late Thursday night I got some pretty severe cramps that freaked me out and woke me from a dead sleep but after about 20 minutes, they went away. Yesterday, I just felt twinges but today, the cramps are back with a vengeance and feel like AF cramps.

What scares me is that today is the day AF would normally arrive. So having AF cramps is scary. I am absolutely terrified and every time I go to the bathroom I am afraid I am going to see blood. I think all these meds (PIO, Estradiol, Crinone) should keep my period away but why have I been cramping all day? I am gonna loose it if AF shows today before my embabies have even had a chance. I'll feel like I killed them. :(

Please send me prayers and sticky vibes, I am kind of freaking out!

FET is a go for 7/9!

*****I wrote this post a week and a half ago and somehow only save it as a draft, rather than posting it!

On Monday I went for my lining check and everything looked great so I guess I am doing my estradiol shots correctly which I a relief because my butt looks nothing like the butt in the little diagram they gave me and I wasn't sure I was doing them in the right spot. Blood work on Wednesday confirmed all is well so I start my PIO on Saturday, z-pack and Medrol on Monday and transfer is on Thursday!

For the past few days I have been both excited and nervous but today I am just plain scared that it isn't going to work. I'm scared my body is going to kick my little embabies out and I'm so worried that DH is going to take it really hard.

Throughout this journey he has been supportive but not really hands on. He never asked questions about things and wasn't the most sensitive about how I was feeling on meds. Then it was like a switch was flipped when he saw the pictures of our embryos. He wants to know every detail and constantly talks about "our babies." He's even bothered by the fact that our embryos are in a lab two hours away. Apparently that's too far ;) it's cute and sweet and terrifying. He is so attached and so full of hope, I'm scared he's going to be crushed. At this point, I'm so jaded I'm used to the failure. It's hard and it hurts but in my mind and heart, failure seems more likely than success. Part of that is just me protecting myself but the scary thing is, he's not used to doing that.

With prior failed treatments, he says he wanted it to work for me but for him, it didn't matter either way; he'd be happy with kids or happy with just the two of us. Now, he REALLY wants this, he keeps saying he will be really sad if it doesn't work. It's just scary to have to think of both of our emotions in all this.