*****I wrote this post a week and a half ago and somehow only save it as a draft, rather than posting it!
On Monday I went for my lining check and everything looked great so I guess I am doing my estradiol shots correctly which I a relief because my butt looks nothing like the butt in the little diagram they gave me and I wasn't sure I was doing them in the right spot. Blood work on Wednesday confirmed all is well so I start my PIO on Saturday, z-pack and Medrol on Monday and transfer is on Thursday!
For the past few days I have been both excited and nervous but today I am just plain scared that it isn't going to work. I'm scared my body is going to kick my little embabies out and I'm so worried that DH is going to take it really hard.
Throughout this journey he has been supportive but not really hands on. He never asked questions about things and wasn't the most sensitive about how I was feeling on meds. Then it was like a switch was flipped when he saw the pictures of our embryos. He wants to know every detail and constantly talks about "our babies." He's even bothered by the fact that our embryos are in a lab two hours away. Apparently that's too far ;) it's cute and sweet and terrifying. He is so attached and so full of hope, I'm scared he's going to be crushed. At this point, I'm so jaded I'm used to the failure. It's hard and it hurts but in my mind and heart, failure seems more likely than success. Part of that is just me protecting myself but the scary thing is, he's not used to doing that.
With prior failed treatments, he says he wanted it to work for me but for him, it didn't matter either way; he'd be happy with kids or happy with just the two of us. Now, he REALLY wants this, he keeps saying he will be really sad if it doesn't work. It's just scary to have to think of both of our emotions in all this.