Friday, November 1, 2013

Keeping IF in The Closet

We are not "out" about our struggles with IF. We have not told family and friends. There are many reasons for this but the biggest one is that I am not ready to come out. I am not emotionally prepared to admit to the world that I am broken and I am not ready to hear what the world has to say about that. I do not wish to welcome the world and its opinions into our bedroom or doctor's office.

By not telling anyone, I still have a space in my life where I am not broken. To everyone but me, I am just a women without children, not a women who fails at creating tiny humans. When I am with everyone else, my IF does not define me, and by coming out, I would no longer be just me.

Still, there have been many times during conversations with my mom or sister's that I have almost just blurted it out but I have stopped myself because at this point, I have done so much of this alone and have not told anyone for so long, I imagine that they will be hurt that I didn't tell them. I can see, however, that the time to tell them will come. It's like my heart and mind have started to search for a time to tell them without my permission and it is for that reason that I have started to try and find resources to help them cope with my brokeness, and why I didn't share it with them, and help them cope with me.

There are three posts I have found that I really related to and I hope that one day I can direct people to them and they will understand things a little better.

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