I envy the women I see, toting around a little one (LO) in a carrier or sling. I watch the way they stare at their baby with love and awe. Some of these women look tired and a little worn out but the way their faces relax and their eyes light up when they stare at their LO makes me tear up. That look, that completeness they feel, that is what makes me continue these stupid treatments that make me miserable, in pain and don’t seem to be working. I derive the courage to continue from the hope that one day, I might get to feel that too.