Wednesday, October 16, 2013

A Hodgepodge of Blah-ness

I am trying to stay positive. I really am. Every time a negative thought crosses my mind, I try to override it but it's not really working. Today I am 8dpo/9dpt (with boosters on 1dpo and 4dpo). At 6 and 7 dpo I had pulls and twinges and nausea and the works but today? Nothing. Nada. Not a sign. Except for irritability, but this is usually when my usual PMS irritability rears its ugly head each month. I don't feel pregnant.

Many women that have been pregnant told me they just knew when they were preggers. It was like a light turned on inside their heads. I don't have that. Hence the negative thoughts. I had a squinter positive test this morning but I am sure that it is the trigger and boosters. I am feeling pretty blah about it. Once again we did everything right. There were two follies. Our timing was impeccable but like I said, I don't feel pregnant. I know it's only 8dpo and I know implantation can still occur. I know it. I do. But I don't feel it. And I think there is something to be said for woman's intuition.

We are supposed to go meet our closest friend's new baby this Saturday and I was hoping against hope that I would be able to say quietly that I feel good about this cycle. Now, I think I'll just say AF is coming on Monday. These are the only friends that know we are going through treatment. They don't know specifics and I don't discuss it often but when the wife had a MC prior to this successful pregnancy, I told her a little about our troubles and about our seeing an RE. She's very sensitive and was so thoughtful and considerate when she was pregnant. Every time I talked to her, she talked about everyday stuff and barely mentioned her pregnancy so I don't anticipate this being a difficult visit (aside from the fact that she can make a tiny human and I can't).

Sigh. Why can't it just work? Grrrrrr.

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