Friday, January 10, 2014

Not at all IF related

I Love Cocks! (not in an IF related way)


I seem to write only of my struggles with IF, but I am not just a women struggling with IF so I thought it would be nice to write a little about me, my quirkiness and obsessions that aren’t IF related.

I have an obsession with The Bloggess and as a result, an obsession with Big Metal Chickens which turned into a cock obsession. 

**children mentioned (not mine, obviously)**

A few years ago, when I was a nanny for my nieces and my husband had a job and we weren’t forking over arms and legs for IF treatment, I went shopping at Ross a lot. Most of the time it was just to give me and my, then 3 year old, niece something to do during the day. After a fun day of shopping I would come home with some pretty ridiculous stuff, because Ross has such an eclectic mix of things and they are ridonkulously cheap. DH was getting a little annoyed with my purchases but couldn’t complain much because a) we did have the money and b) the things I bought were so cheap. Prior to one of our shopping jaunts I was talking to DH about how we needed new dishes (because apparently the set I had bought a month prior just weren’t cutting it) and he kinda lost his shit. “You just bought dishes a month ago! No more friggin dishes!” was his rationale. Sound and to the point, but in truth, it kinda pissed me off that he was basically forbidding me from buying something. So, off my niece and I went the next day, to Ross where I saw about 100 sets of dishes that were absolutely perfect for my house, that I couldn’t buy. Suddenly, my niece saw this horrible and amazingly wonderfully gaudy wooden rooster and pointed it out to me, “Uncle would LOVE that” she said between giggles. We have chickens and roosters at our ranch, with whom my niece often played and in her little mind, because they were messy, they belonged solely to my husband. It was only $14.99 and it wasn’t dishes! So, of course, I bought it.

I am not a collector of things, I don’t have a themed house or kitchen but the deal was too good not to pass up, AND my DH would not approve (hey, it wasn’t dishes)! When I came home that evening, Ross bags in hand, my DH watched expectantly as I pulled out my purchases and started removing tags. I could tell he was waiting for me to pull out dishes and was gearing up for a fight and his whole body seemed to relax when he saw that all I got were some dish towels and a sweatshirt and something smallish that I left in the bag. “That’s for you.” I said, pointing to the bag. “The baby thought you would LOVE it!” I had taken a video on my phone of our niece telling him that she picked this item because she thought he would love it and showed it to him. When he opened the bag he just looked at it, like WTF? And walked away. I had been hoping for a bigger reaction but got nothing! So I pulled out the wooden cock and told him that I was going to name it Estebon and display it on my bakers rack for the whole world to see. He barely cracked a smile. BUMMER! 

That night, while browsing facebook a friend posted a link to this: And that's why you should learn to pick your battles. I could have died, I was laughing so hard. In what universe do two women buy hideous cocks for the same purpose? Thus began a long running joke and obsession. I now collect cocks of all shapes and sizes (mostly from Ross) and get the most hideous ones gifted to me, including my very own desktop Beyonce, a lighted Christmas peacock and metal chickens for my yard.

My desktop Beyonce

My lighted Christmas PeaCOCK

More cocks joined Estabon shortly after his arrival.

Yard cocks (a Ross find)

My yard Peacock. Her neck is springy so she bobbles her head when the wind blows. Awesome! This was a Target find. I giggled my way to near hysterics at the check out stand when the clerk looked at me like I was nuts.

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