Thursday, January 2, 2014

Chemical Pregnancy

When I got up on Monday, 9dpo, I ran straight for the bathroom and of course grabbed a stick to pee on. Since Sunday's test was a BFN and being that it was only 9dpo, I peed away, put the stick on the counter and started getting ready for my day without looking at it. Imagine my shock and surprise when I finally remembered the pee stick and there was a faint, pink, second line! I, of course, did what any sane women who is struggling with IF would do: I grabbed another test and peed on a second stick. With the second stick, I stared at it the whole five minute time frame and watched the line develop. It wasn't dark but I could clearly see it, without holding it in six different light sources or standing on my head with the stick tilted just the right way. I felt a little excitement but I was cautious and although I wanted to, I didn't tell my DH yet. I proceeded to pee on two more sticks that day and four more the next (10dpo). All had faint, but definitely there, lines. I got online and checked the batch numbers on my tests and no one has said they've had any problems with them. So I was allowing myself to get a little more excited, but I was still cautious. REALLY CAUTIOUS. The line wasn't getting darker. I asked Dr. Google if that was normal and came up with two responses: sometimes their isn't enough dye in the test to allow it to get darker (*insert buzzing sound here*) but my test's control lines were strong and dark, OR it was a CP. Keep testing! Everything said. So I did. On 11 dpo the second line was lighter. Boo. I had to move the test strip around to catch a glimpse of it and by the last test I  took last night, there was no line at all. This morning's test on 12dpo? BFN. Not a hint of a line.

I had a moment where I told myself this was actually a small victory. I actually got pregnant. But that was short lived because then I reminded myself that my body still failed at maintaining a tiny human life.

I called my nurse and she sounded like she was gonna cry and said it sounded like a CP to her. She asked if I wanted a beta to confirm and I said no. So, AF should come tomorrow and I'll see my RE on Monday. I am trying to just move it from my mind. My pregnitude and spearmint tea came today and as soon as I get through with the hell AF will wreck on my body tomorrow, I will be on my way to IUI #2. And maybe this one will work.