Tuesday, October 21, 2014

Reflections and looking forward

One of the girls on my discussion board asked me some interesting questions this morning that really got me thinking. She was wondering about how I feel about moving on to IVF and how I stay positive about everything so I thought I would share my answer here, as I spent a long time reflecting on all of our cycles, disappointments and feelings about the future, last night.

I would be lying if I said I am forever hopeful. I would like to be, but truthfully, there are days when I dissolve into tears and curse the world. Looking back, I always kinda knew that the IUIs were just a shot at a miracle. I never completely believed they would work, so I always looked at them as a way to see how my body responds and the disappointment was easier to handle. I absolutely believe IVF will work so it is easier to stay positive about it working. The thing I have a hard time with is waiting while we save. I had hoped that we would be able to get a lot of money together quickly but every avenue fell through. Dealing with the disappointment of each failed attempt to get the funds what heartbreaking, but I still tried to remain positive. Now, I just try to focus on the fact that I can't control everything and that IVF will happen eventually. When I start to get really discouraged, I tell myself that I may not happen when I want it to, but it will happen eventually. DH is really good at helping me not focus on the waiting and instead focusing on the end game. I also have a playlist that is full of positive songs about hope that I listen to whenever I am feeling particularly down! 

12 comments:

  1. I am so sorry it is taking longer to pull the funds together than you had hoped :-( I so wish you would magically fall into the money! Or the insurance! Or some mysterious rich donor ;-) Do you have any idea of a timeline on when you think you might be able to cycle again? I hope things move quickly for you. ((Hugs))

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    1. I wish! Honestly, we keep buying a lotto ticket a week with the hope that we'll come into some money! Sadly, we don't have a timeline. The amount of money we are able to put aside each month varies so much it is hard to get an idea. We have asked that all of our Christmas and Birthday presents come in the form of donations this year, so there's that! I have set my sights on next summer but I am trying not to get my hopes up too high.

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  2. ((Hugs)) I wish I had a magic fix-it wand for this. I hate that y'all don't have a timeline, but I am so glad you are remaining hopeful. Even if wanes somewhat.

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  3. I hate that money is one of the biggest obstacles many of us face. It's ridiculous that our family building is hampered by a need for medical treatments our insurances will not pay for. I'm thinking of you and hoping things more along speedily! Maybe one of those lotto tickets will pan out!

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    1. I hope so too! I'm looking forward to next week's drawing!

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  4. Waiting is the worst. Especially waiting without any clear deadline. And ESPECIALLY when it has to do with money. :( Hang in there, friend.

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  5. Ugh, I'm so sorry that money is a barrier for you - or for anyone trying to start a family. It's cruel, really, considering broke people have babies all.the.time. It's strange how those of us plagued with infertility have this criteria we have to meet just for the chance to try and have a baby (be relatively fit, healthy (in Doctors standards), and financially well off ) while someone who isn't infertile can have a baby whenever they want regardless of their body, health or financial standing. I really hope your find a way to get to IVF faster....is there some other kind of insurance you can get that does cover treatments?

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  6. Unfortunately, our state has a mandate that specifically states insurance companies do not have to cover IVF, so there is no policy that I can purchase to cover it. Some companies instruct their insurance companies to offer coverage that includes IVF but that option isn't even available to my company because we are so small.

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  7. Its so frustrating when finances are what stands in your way of having a baby. Hoping that it won't be too long for you!

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