Wednesday, October 8, 2014

Ugh. Pain.

***Warning, venty post***

For most of my life, I have had to deal with abdominal, back and leg pain and pressure. It was the reason my mom took me to my first gynecologist appointment at 13 (after she had to take me to the ER for what turned out to be a bursting cyst). It was also the reason I started taking BCPs at age 14. Since coming off BCPs almost six years ago the pain has been uncomfortable but seemed worth it because there was a reason to suffer (TTC) and a light at the end of the tunnel (a baby).

Lately, I have been having a difficult time coping with the pain. Due to our having to wait for what seems like an indefinite amount of time (due to finances) to be able to do IVF, I feel like there is no purpose for this ever constant pain. At the beginning of my cycle I have debilitating cramps, followed by pressure and back pain, followed by intense bend you over O pain, after which the pressure and upper thigh pain comes back for a day or two and then I get a small window of painless days before AF and her evil cramps return.

The pain makes me sad and grumpy. It's an ever constant reminder of what will not be without medical intervention. It reminds me that something that for so many people "just happens" isn't going to "just happen" for us. I am so sick of the pain and sick of IF. No matter how hard I try to wake up with a positive attitude, the awareness of my pain is like a physical expression of my emotional state. IF sucks. This pain sucks.


  1. Replies
    1. Thank you, sometimes it's nice to have permission to vent it out!

  2. I cannot believe you haven't vented about this before! I'm so sorry you have this pain all the time :-( IF definitely sucks. Big (Hugs))

  3. I am so sorry you are dealing with that. It sounds miserable. I wish there was something I could do or say to help give you some relief. Sending you lots of ((hugs)) and love.

  4. I can only imagine how hard it must be to have a physical, uncomfortable, daily reminder of your IF. The emotional reminders are bad enough!

    Passing some baby dust to you, Fur Momma. Be strong!

  5. Sorry to hear what you're going through. That sounds awful! Do you also take painkillers or do you try not to?

    1. Thank you! During medicated cycles, I don't take anything for the pain because I am always hoping for the best, but on non-medicated cycles, I take pain killers around the time of AF only. I don't want to get dependent on them during non treatment cycles because I am afraid the pain will feel even worse the next cycle.

  6. Just hang in there. Things will get better in time, as long as you are prescribed the right treatments and that you keep to them accordingly. Everything should be fine from that point, I hope. All the best to you!

    Terrell Sherman @ Murrieta Chiropractic