One of the girls on my discussion board asked me some interesting questions this morning that really got me thinking. She was wondering about how I feel about moving on to IVF and how I stay positive about everything so I thought I would share my answer here, as I spent a long time reflecting on all of our cycles, disappointments and feelings about the future, last night.
I would be lying if I said I am forever hopeful. I would like to be, but truthfully, there are days when I dissolve into tears and curse the world. Looking back, I always kinda knew that the IUIs were just a shot at a miracle. I never completely believed they would work, so I always looked at them as a way to see how my body responds and the disappointment was easier to handle. I absolutely believe IVF will work so it is easier to stay positive about it working. The thing I have a hard time with is waiting while we save. I had hoped that we would be able to get a lot of money together quickly but every avenue fell through. Dealing with the disappointment of each failed attempt to get the funds what heartbreaking, but I still tried to remain positive. Now, I just try to focus on the fact that I can't control everything and that IVF will happen eventually. When I start to get really discouraged, I tell myself that I may not happen when I want it to, but it will happen eventually. DH is really good at helping me not focus on the waiting and instead focusing on the end game. I also have a playlist that is full of positive songs about hope that I listen to whenever I am feeling particularly down!