Wednesday, February 5, 2014

Not a lot of words...

I can't seem to find my words these days and it's incredibly frustrating. Every time I try to speak (or type) I dissolve into tears. I don't know if it is due to meds or just IF in general, I can't seem to talk about my treatment or anything related to my cycle without loosing it.

This cycle has just plain sucked from the get go. My baseline wasn't until day 5 due to the fact that my RE's office doesn't do baselines on the weekends. Thanks to a little push from some of my IDOB girls, I wouldn't take "no" for an answer regarding starting my meds on cd3 even though my u/s wasn't until cd 5 but was disheartened to find, on cd 5, that I had nothing really measurable and no lead follie. In the past I have had 8's and 9's on cd 3, so what the hell are my follies doing?

The RE wants me back next Monday for a rescan and said he'd like to see how I look then and if there are follies, we can go ahead with an IUI. BUT, there's a BUT. My RE said he is worried about my age and my follies and their tendency to mature too quickly (and in some cases overmature). While he is ok with trying another IUI, he isn't super confident about it and thinks that IVF is our best bet. Truthfully, he believes it is our only bet. (cue tears) It is not a possibility for us. Like, at all. We just can't swing it. My DH doesn't have a job because he has put his career as an Environmental Engineer on hold to blow glass for the family business. So, there we have it. We'll try this IUI if there are some mature follies there on Monday but hopes aren't high. Where do we go from there? I haven't the slightest clue.


  1. I'm so sorry dear. I'm sending you big squishy virtual hugs across the country. I totally hear you on IVF not being an option but if it does come down to that, how do you feel about doing some research regarding clinical trials, etc.? I know some of the IDOB ladies have done that through their clinics and either had the IVF cycle paid for or GREATLY reduced. I bet you could find a lot of info from them if you ever need/want to pursue that avenue.

  2. Thanks Chickin, I started looking into some trials and although the only places that do them are about four hours away, DH and I agreed that if this IUI doesn't work we will seriously consider it.

  3. Big hugs to you. I hate how emotionally tolling this journey is.