Well, on Monday afternoon, we pulled the trigger and started the ball rolling on pulling money from retirement. I called my clinic first, just to be absolutely sure they weren't accepting any other last minute patients for the trial and they said they weren't. I also submitted our grant application and we should hear about whether or not we can receive it in a few weeks.
Then, this evening, I got the most exciting email I have ever received. It was from my IVF nurse and included all the info on med discount programs, my tentative schedule, when I'll start BCPs, need blood draws, my SIS... all of it! I was so excited, I just kept staring at the screen with my mouth open and this shocked looked on my face. DH kept saying, What? What are you looking at your screen like that for? until I came out of it and told him. He was excited too!
After a little while, I got kind of a nagging "this isn't really happening" type feeling that replaced the excitement, but I think that's just my brain's way of protecting my heart. Like a defense mechanism, my brain seems to be saying: remember how let down you were when you couldn't do the study? If IVF doesn't work you'll be devastated if you get your hopes up too high. Sometimes I get sad when I think of the person IF has turned me into, one that can't even get excited to be moving forward without having reservations. Worries. Fears.
But, hey, I'm kind of used to that by now, onward and upwards! I AM ACTUALLY GOING TO BE ABLE TO DO IVF!!!!!! After 10 months of saving and begging and praying and hoping, we're actually gonna do it! YAY!