Friday, March 27, 2015

Second Job and IF Brain

Well, I finally got the audio to work for my afternoon orientation meeting and have been working non-stop to prepare for my job assessment on Monday. Basically, I have been spending this whole week learning what my job entails and trying to figure out how to do it properly! I have been doing a ton of sample tasks and created a massive binder, filled with all the information I need to master every part of this new job. On Monday, I get tested on everything and as long as I pass, I will have my second job on lock. If I don't pass, I'll get a second shot but that's it. Keep your fingers crossed for me that I pass on the first try. This job will really speed up our timeline because I'll be able to put all of that income towards IVF.

I'll be talking with my RE on Wednesday to see if he can offer any discounts or has any ideas on how we can decrease the costs of IVF. DH told me last night that I should just tell the RE that we are going to move forward and we'll just pull the money out of our retirement. Part of me wants to just do it but part of me is really nervous about pulling money from our retirement. Plus, I keep thinking, why am I going to work a second job if we are just going to pull money out of retirement? Ugh. We'll figure it out. We always do. I am so looking forward to just being able to do IVF and try for a baby.

The other thing that has been happening is that I have had NO sex drive at all. It's been since we found out that the study was closing early (back at the beginning of March). Sex just reminds me that for us, sex isn't for baby making. I feel bad about it. DH and I have always had a very active sex life and I know that it's frustrating for him to go from sex every day or every other day for 14 years to sex once a week. He is so good though, he hasn't said anything, except for a couple of comments about being able to tell that I am sad, so at least I am not being guilt tripped about my lack of interest in sex! I plan on making an effort this weekend to focus on us, rather than relating sex to babies in my mind. Isn't that funny? Most people worry about sex getting them pregnant, I'm avoiding sex because I know it won't! IF brain just makes everything so complicated. :(

7 comments:

  1. Good luck on your job assessment!!! As for the loss of sex drive, I totally get it. Once infertility started for us, it was a reminder of what we can't achieve on our own. Then, after Oscar and Bella died, it was an additional reminder of what we lost.

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    1. Thank you!

      That's exactly what it is; a reminder of what I can't have. Thank you for understanding.

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  2. I think we can ALL relate to the problems with sex drive. Download a dirty book! It helps!

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    1. That is an excellent idea! Thank you!

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  3. We can all relate to the sex thing. This whole infertility mess makes it not what it should be. Hoping your clinic can come up with something less expensive for you!

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    1. It really does. Thankfully, things were better this weekend. I just tried to push the negative thoughts from my mind.

      I'll update on Wednesday night or Thursday about what the doctor says!

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  4. Yes to the issues with sex over here too! I hope things will get better for you guys.

    I hope yesterday's test went well and you passed on the first try! I'm looking forward to an update after tomorrow's appt! GL!

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