We are not "out" about our struggles with IF. We have not told family and friends. There are many reasons for this but the biggest one is that I am not ready to come out. I am not emotionally prepared to admit to the world that I am broken and I am not ready to hear what the world has to say about that. I do not wish to welcome the world and its opinions into our bedroom or doctor's office.
By not telling anyone, I still have a space in my life where I am not broken. To everyone but me, I am just a women without children, not a women who fails at creating tiny humans. When I am with everyone else, my IF does not define me, and by coming out, I would no longer be just me.
Still, there have been many times during conversations with my mom or sister's that I have almost just blurted it out but I have stopped myself because at this point, I have done so much of this alone and have not told anyone for so long, I imagine that they will be hurt that I didn't tell them. I can see, however, that the time to tell them will come. It's like my heart and mind have started to search for a time to tell them without my permission and it is for that reason that I have started to try and find resources to help them cope with my brokeness, and why I didn't share it with them, and help them cope with me.
There are three posts I have found that I really related to and I hope that one day I can direct people to them and they will understand things a little better.
http://www.sharedjourney.com/shared_experiences/a_letter_to_family_and_friends_____.html
http://lovelylittlelife-hannah.blogspot.com/2013/07/9-things-infertile-women-want-women.html
http://ourmisconception.blogspot.com/2012/06/tasty-sneakers.html#.UnQKS_msiSo
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