Second Job and IF Brain

Well, I finally got the audio to work for my afternoon orientation meeting and have been working non-stop to prepare for my job assessment on Monday. Basically, I have been spending this whole week learning what my job entails and trying to figure out how to do it properly! I have been doing a ton of sample tasks and created a massive binder, filled with all the information I need to master every part of this new job. On Monday, I get tested on everything and as long as I pass, I will have my second job on lock. If I don't pass, I'll get a second shot but that's it. Keep your fingers crossed for me that I pass on the first try. This job will really speed up our timeline because I'll be able to put all of that income towards IVF.

I'll be talking with my RE on Wednesday to see if he can offer any discounts or has any ideas on how we can decrease the costs of IVF. DH told me last night that I should just tell the RE that we are going to move forward and we'll just pull the money out of our retirement. Part of me wants to just do it but part of me is really nervous about pulling money from our retirement. Plus, I keep thinking, why am I going to work a second job if we are just going to pull money out of retirement? Ugh. We'll figure it out. We always do. I am so looking forward to just being able to do IVF and try for a baby.

The other thing that has been happening is that I have had NO sex drive at all. It's been since we found out that the study was closing early (back at the beginning of March). Sex just reminds me that for us, sex isn't for baby making. I feel bad about it. DH and I have always had a very active sex life and I know that it's frustrating for him to go from sex every day or every other day for 14 years to sex once a week. He is so good though, he hasn't said anything, except for a couple of comments about being able to tell that I am sad, so at least I am not being guilt tripped about my lack of interest in sex! I plan on making an effort this weekend to focus on us, rather than relating sex to babies in my mind. Isn't that funny? Most people worry about sex getting them pregnant, I'm avoiding sex because I know it won't! IF brain just makes everything so complicated. :(