I'm awful. I really am. On Saturday, my brother-in-law (DH's youngest brother) got engaged. It was really quite sweet. His finace and he met doing Ren Faires, so this weekend while at the Ren Faire, he proposed in front of everyone. My future SIL is very nice and takes great care of my BIL and they have a great relationship. I am truly excited to have her as a SIL, especially considering that my husband's sister is a drug addict psychopath. It will be nice to have a healthy, normal person in the family.
BUT, they immediately started talking kids. She is 37 and they want to get started right away. As in, she threw the BCPs out the day after he proposed. I am absolutely TERRIFIED that they are going to get pregnant right away and I feel terrible that I feel that way. I want to be happy for them and give them lots of encouragement and support, but inside I am seething about something that hasn't even happened yet!
Huge confession: I caught myself thinking that they'll probably have problems getting KU because she is AMA and very overweight. I immediately stopped myself, because I would not wish IF or any difficulty conceiving on my worst enemy. What is wrong with me? This is not who I am!
Just because you think something, it doesn't mean you're a terrible person. It just means that you are dealing with the variety of emotions that come with infertility. Hugs!
ReplyDeleteThank you!
DeleteYou are definitely not a terrible person. I think it's pretty normal to think this way a bit. I know for me, hearing about or seeing people get pregnant easily feels like it's reinforcing the fact that there's something wrong with me and that makes me feel very lonely. I'm sorry that you're feeling bad right now, but please don't be too hard on yourself. Hugs <3
ReplyDeleteThank you, that make me feel much better!
DeleteYou are not a terrible person. I'm so sorry that IF makes us think that way. Trust me, we've all been there. While I know you'd never truly wish this onto someone, I think it's natural to have that thought go through your head. And I really hope that you get your BFP soon and then it doesn't matter when they get pregnant. Try not to be to hard on yourself <3
ReplyDeleteBrianna and Ana said exactly what I was going to say. (((Hugs))) You are certainly NOT a bad person.
ReplyDeleteHey, take it easy over there on my friend!! Yeah, I'm talking about you!! We've all been there, and just because you've thought it doesn't mean you made it so. You're not a bad person, and those thoughts are completely normal. Forgive yourself!
ReplyDeleteThank you ladies! You are all making me feel so much better. I was definitely beating myself up about even having a single one of those thoughts!
ReplyDeleteI've never believed in taking birth control, that if you do the deed you deserve the consequences and so on and so forth. That and birth control is usually a long term medicine that most don't really NEED that messes with the natural way your body is supposed to work. That being said... I find myself feeling relieved when I find out someone is on birth control now! I have a friend getting married soon that is 3 years my junior and she plans to wait a while to have kids so she is on birth control, and I don't find myself arguing that she shouldn't take it. There's probably not many people out there with views like mine, but I feel terrible that I contradict myself now in something I used to think so important, all because I haven't had my own kid yet. I think we all probably have that "I'm a terrible person" moment because none of us really wishes anyone else will get pregnant before us. :\
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