***children mention***
Saturday was a pretty bad day for me. I lost my damn mind and ended up a sobbing mess in the arms of DH because I really miss "my girls". My SIL is a drug addict and back in July, we had to take her kids away for a little while until she got it together. Since she got them back, she has not let us see them, to punish us for trying to get her to get clean and give her kids the lives they deserve. Due to the fact that she is a drug addict, DH and I have been hugely involved in the lives of his nieces ever since they were born. One is now 14 and the other is 6. The 14 year old lived with us for three days a week from the time she was two until she was seven and I have spent three to four days a week caring for the six year old since she was born (up until July). We also had the girls at our house every other weekend for years and took them on NYE trips almost every year. It is hard to not have them around. I miss them enormously. Not being able to conceive has been even more difficult since we haven't had my girls and as we are almost certainly out of insurance coverage (I'll find out for sure when my RE's office tries to get approval for IUI #4 if this one fails) I am desperate to try and find a way to continue treatment.
I am not ready to give up. I just can't. And the only thing I can think of to try and get money to continue treatment is to ask people for help. But we are in the closet so that makes it a little big difficult. I don't want to share what is happening in my womb, or more accurately what is not happening in my womb, with everyone and their mom but if we are going to get help with the finances of continued IUIs and possibly IVF, I am willing to give up my privacy for the chance of having a baby.
I also know that I will get a lot of flack from my Catholic family members who disagree with using any assisted reproductive technologies, so dealing with them will be a challenge all on its own.
In my mind, there is the noble reason for "coming out" which is to spread awareness and to educate people and there is the selfish reason to come out: to get money. I feel guilty considering using Infertility Awareness Week as a fundraising tool to help further our ability to get treatment but I cannot think of an alternative.
My plan would be to create a separate blog in which I would tell my story. On said blog, I would put a link to a give forward or another fundraising site, so as not to be too much of a beggar. It hurts my pride to ask for money but there's not much else I can do. We have put all of our money into our current business and DH's startup so that we have a strong financial future for us and our future children and their wants/needs and education, but there isn't much left to do anything else right now and Lord knows I am only getting older.
DH is completely indifferent. He says he will support me no matter what I decide. Which is sweet but kind of annoying! I need an opinion! So I am putting it to all you wonderful ladies. Is is terrible of me to consider coming out for the sole purpose of fund raising?
I don't think that's terrible at all. I've been thinking about setting up something on one of those "fund me" sites to help with the costs of the excision surgery I'd like to get sometime in the near future. I'm still not sure how I feel about it, but every penny would definitely help. And if people want to help you, let 'em! There's no nobler cause than to try to have a little one!
ReplyDeleteYou're right and I am sure there are lots of people in our lives who would love to help, given the chance!
DeleteI'm sorry you're feeling so conflicted about this. I'm sure missing your nieces isn't helping, and I hope you get to see them soon. As far as coming out for the purposes of fundraising... It's a lot to think about. It sounds like you still want your privacy. My decision to come out is because I feel like I've been lying to everyone in my life. I just want to rip the bandaid off and just tell the truth!! So, I guess you could say that is my selfish reason. In addition, I'm really looking forward to spreading awareness, and hope that someone might hear it and not feel so alone. So... I think the question you have to ask yourself is about giving up your privacy. Good luck!!
ReplyDeleteThe lying part eats me alive too. I am a terrible liar so I tend to just get a little snippy when people ask me questions. They back off but I am sure they are thinking, what the heck is her problem! You're right, the biggest thing is giving up my privacy, I just have to decide whether or not I can suck it up and deal with the intrusions. I love the idea of being able to reach out to people and maybe help others feel less alone. That is a nice benefit to coming out!
DeleteYou are NOT terrible. A lot of people go the fundraising route, and that's okay. It's okay for you to think about doing it, and if you decide to, then it's okay for you to do it. Personally, I feel like you gotta do what you gotta do. Putting myself in your shoes though, I might worry about how my relationships with friends or family may change due to it (but I've always had an issue with any kind of fundraising- even when it was wrapping paper in grammar school) - I seem to have some weird block when it comes to that. I hope you will be able to make a decision you feel good about. ((Hugs))
ReplyDeleteAnd can I also say: You are amazing. Helping to raise those girls is incredible and so selfless. I'm so sorry you haven't been able to see them :-(
That is such a good point. When you ask people for money, you almost give them the permission to have a say or at least know about what is going on with their money. AND it may change the way people think of me. I also know that I will probably feel obligated to some people who might give money and that's a horrible feeling. My mom never allowed me to ask people to give money for fundraisers when I was little for that very reason! Thank you for pointing that out because I really need to consider everything when making this decision.
DeleteAnd thank you! I love those girls as if they were my own and would do anything for them.