MIA

I feel terrible for missing most of ICLW and really have some catching up to do! Thank you to everyone who has taken some time to visit and comment! I've been MIA, but for a good reason!

This cycle has been a rough one and is making me question whether or not I can go through very many more. Due to my endometriosis, I have always had wicked bad cramps. When I was a teenager, my mom actually took me to the ER on more than one occasion because I was in so much pain. That is why my gynecologist recommended, when I was 16, that I go on the pill and stay on it until I was ready to get pregnant. Since 2009 when I went off bcps, I have not had too many horrific periods but these last four cycles have been close to unbearable.

(warning, I am about to get a little AF graphic)

My cramps start five or six days before AF even arrives and at times they are bad enough that I have to sit down for a little while. They are not just cramps in my uterus, I have back and leg pain too. Then, starting the night before AF arrives, I can't get out of bed, they are so bad. In the middle of the night or sometimes during the day, the vomiting, chills, hot and cold flashes and unbearable pain start and I bleed like a stuck pig. Tampons last for about an hour before they leak and pads overflow in about the same amount of time. 800 mg of ibuprofen doesn't diminish them one bit and I am in agony. This cycle, all this pain started Sunday and is just now letting up to the point where I can actually sit up and get some work done at the office but I am weak and nauseous and still in quite a bit of pain.

I have my baseline scheduled for two o'clock tomorrow but I am not too hopeful that my RE will be able to come up with anything to stop the pain.

I want to have a child more than anything. But when I am in this amount of pain, it is really hard to focus on anything positive and I often find myself thinking that this pain just isn't worth it!