Christmas

I hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas and made it through the day with as few tears as possible. I thought, going into Christmas, that I would be good, due to the fact that we would not have any little ones present but alas, my MIL could talk about nothing else but her co-worker who just pops babies out like a rabbit and my BIL's upcoming engagement and need to get his future wife KU right away. I wanted to put my hands over my ears!

My DH and I had a humble but very nice Christmas. We agreed on no gifts, but I couldn't help myself. He lost his job last year and our business is struggling so any extra money we have goes to IF treatments but I have had a little money squirreled away and used it to buy him an iPad. He, in turn, made me a beautiful glass sculpture (he is a glass blower) of me holding a big huge heart, which he says is his heart. :)

So, anyhoo, I haven't been posting much because I am taking a break this cycle. I have not temped and did not use opks so I don't know if I O'd or not. I had been doing really well not focusing on TTC until I started having O pains. My body, apparently, didn't want me to stop paying attention to its every twinge and I started getting a little obsessy but I am keeping it under control for the most part. I ordered Pregnitude and Spearmint tea (to help with lowering my androgen levels) and when AF arrives next Friday I will be ready to go for my next IUI. The big #2. At this point it looks like we will only be doing three with my last one falling right around my 34th birthday (if we need it). After that, I don't know what we will do.

It has become a distinct possibility that we may not continue with treatment after IUI #3. Due to our company's financial woes, I am not taking a paycheck and we do not have enough money in savings for IVF and a child. It's a bit of a catch 22: use the savings for IVF and not have money when a child arrives or don't use the money and still, have no child. I have begun to ponder the idea that this just may not happen for us at all. We may never have a child and while I am not ok with that, I feel like I would be making our lives worse overall by insisting that we drain or savings for the chance of having a baby. Sigh. I guess I will have to cross that bridge when we come to it.

For now, though, I will focus on not focusing on TTC!