13 weeks 4 days

Well, I am just about to the 2nd Trimester and we announced my pregnancy on FB this weekend. It was pretty exciting and we got tons of love and well wishes, which was really nice. My MIL dragged me down by stopping by the house and mentioning that she was surprised so many people commented on it. As if we aren't liked enough to have people excited for us! That woman. In the same visit, she started talking about DH's siblings, which he has asked her, repeatedly, not to talk about with us and DH ended up going off on her about how we do not want them in our lives because they are drug addicts. Now she's not talking to DH. Sometimes it is hard to tell who is the parent and who is the kid. So, it put a damper on our announcement weekend.

Ok, sorry for the non-sequitur! Since our announcement does not have our faces in it, I figure, what's the harm in posting it here? :) I love it and I am so excited to share!

I made all the signs myself in photoshop and DH got them to sit while I took pictures. They were so good, they all sat there for about five minutes!

Update on Pregnancy:

Symptoms: Thankfully, the morning sickness is much improved, I only get brief bouts of nausea that pass pretty quickly. The exhaustion has improved too! I actually feel like doing things and moving around more, which is really nice because I've felt like a sloth these last few months! My boob are getting even bigger, I've now gone up two cup sizes!

Bump: Yup, I have one. It's small but noticeable enough that a few neighbors and close friends have been asking this past week if I am pregnant. It's kind of fun!

Update on our OB appointment:

I was really nervous about the OB appointment because we live in a small town and there is only one that takes our insurance but I am happy to say, I really loved the nurses and the midwife that I met. Everyone was nice and congratulated us over and over after finding out about the IVF. I had also been worried that they would insist on using my LMP date but they went with my FET date so that was awesome! I meet the OB on October 26th and we will be scheduling my NT scan at that appointment :) Everything looked great with baby and we got to hear the heart beat on the doppler. We also got to hear baby swooshing and moving around a ton!

Pregnancy Update!

Well, today I am 11 weeks, 4 days pregnant! I got to stop PIO on Sunday and this coming Sunday I will stop my Crinone and I couldn't be happier. The PIO wasn't too bad, I mean it hurt and my upper butt was looking like a chocolate chip cookie due to the welts and poke marks but it is no where near as bad as the Crinone. I HATE CRINONE.

I have a very sensitive va-jay-jay and get a BV like response to even the gentlest lubes. If I change tampon brands, I get BV and I've had a BV like response (TMI alert: clear, runny discharge and fishy smell) the entire time I've been on it. It's embarrassing and makes me want to puke every time I use the bathroom, which is really fun when already suffering from morning sickness. So, I am extremely happy to be done with the stuff.

Onto the fun stuff, I guess it's best to do this in a list:

Symptoms: I am so sick. I've been taking diclegis for a couple of weeks and while it helps with the nausea, it sometimes does not stop the actual vomiting. Last week, I had one day in which I couldn't keep anything down. Nawt fun. I've been told that it should start easing up soon but honestly, it just seems to be getting worse. I throw up, at least, every other day.  My boobs are gigantic and my waistline is expanding. I'm tired, of course and have started getting headaches in the evening. BUT, I've read that the more harsh your symptoms, the better the baby is doing, so I am embracing them.

Bump: I do have the start of a bump. DH thinks it's because I am so thin, the baby has no where to go but out! It's not noticeable in a picture, yet, but I can definitely see and feel it!

Other info: We have an OB appointment next Tuesday so I will update after that and let everyone know how I am doing!

8 Weeks, two days

****Pregnancy discussed, warning****

I am not totally sure yet, what I am going to do with this blog. Much like in other areas of my online life, I don't want to be a reminder to my friends of what they don't have yet, which is why I have been pretty quiet. But, I also don't want this to be one of those blogs that just ends. So, for now, I think I will just continue to silently root on my fellow IF friends and bloggers and occasionally update what is going on here. There is a good chance I will create a blog separate from this one for my pregnancy but I have yet to do so.

Without further ado:

How far along are you: 8 weeks, 2 days

Recent appointments? Yes, on the 10th we had our first u/s and baby was measuring perfectly with a perfect little flutter beat that we got to see! Next appointment is the 24th at which I will get my weaning schedule for crinone, estradiol and PIO. I don't mind the PIO and estradiol so much but I hate the crinone so I will be glad to be done with that!

Symptoms: Nausea, like all the time. I don't get hungry any more, I get nauseous and then when I eat, I get nauseous again! My boobs are also huge and I am tired all the time. With the nausea, I just try to remind myself that it is a good thing. There have been a few days here and there when I've gone the whole day without feeling sick and I panic and welcome the sickness when it returns!

Bump: DH thinks I already have one but really it's just bloat from the PIO. I look like most ladies look at 12 weeks!

Cravings/Aversions: I want all the carbs, ALL of them! And I cannot stand the sight or smell of meat, especially uncooked meat: YUCK. I try very hard to eat it anyway but it is tough. Mostly I drink shakes (kale, spinach, yogurt, banana, berries, melon, juice etc.) and eat egg, cheese and bagel sandwiches and eat lots of crackers and chips.

Anything fun or interesting? DH makes me breakfast in bed, every day. He is so cute!

3rd Beta and more

Just to be sure everything is progressing, my doctor ordered a 3rd beta for this past Monday and it came back at 18,671 which is a doubling time of 34 hours! :) We are pretty excited that things are moving right along and have ultrasounds scheduled for the 10th and 24th of August. After that, I'll graduate from my RE and move on to an OB.

I've been surprised at my ability to push out all the scary thoughts. I decided, once I saw the first test with a second line that I was just going to celebrate my pregnancy. I was not going to dwell on fears or what-ifs, I was going to be happy that I am pregnant, take good care of myself and think positive thoughts. So far, I've only had a few scary thoughts creep into my mind and I've managed to push them away. I am pregnant, happy and excited.

We told my parents and sisters and my BFF (mostly because my parents were here during IVF and FET and both of my sisters knew what was going on too) but haven't told DH's mom yet. TBH, neither of us trusts her to not tell other people so we are waiting until at least after the first u/s to tell her. It's kind of hard because she lives down the street but I've been avoiding any talk about IF treatment with her and DH has been intervening as much as possible. Also, DH has decided that he no longer wants anything to do with his drug addict sister and brother and she is still in contact with them and he doesn't trust her not to share our news with them.

In other news, we've decided to do a DNA test for DH to find out his heritage. He is adopted and what little info his parents were given, they've never passed on to him. I am Irish to the core and celebrate my heritage and DH doesn't want to have to tell our baby(ies) that they are Irish and who knows what else. TBH, I have always thought that DH is Cuban. He was born in Florida and most definitely is not a white boy, it's the only thing that has ever made sense to me. We are both really excited to find out his background. :)

So, that's all my news for now! I am still adjusting to not being a part of the IF community anymore, which has been a bit of an adjustment. I miss my girls and am rooting for them like crazy but from a distance now, which is hard. I pray that they can all join me on the other side, soon.

Cramps are a good thing! ****BFP WARNING*****

My clinic likes to torture people and not give you your results until after the second beta comes in. But my nurse is not a masochist so she actually called me yesterday and said that my first beta was 110 (at 8dp5dt)!

I was super excited but also nervous because what I really wanted to hear was whether or not the numbers were doubling! I knew I was KU because I POAS obsessively:

So finally, this morning, my nurse called and said my second beta is "wonderful" at 661 (11dp5dt)!

I am so excited and so totally knocked up!!! I cannot believe it! I'll be back after I've had time to process but I just really wanted to share the good news!!!

PUPO!

On Thursday we transferred two beautiful hatching embies that melted my heart. The transfer went perfectly, my lining looked fantastic and I almost peed on the table! LOL When they had me lay back at an angle after it was over, I had to pee so bad, I was holding myself and DH went out and got my nurse and asked for a bed pan. I just couldn't hold it! So, I relieved myself in the bed pan and then went back to relaxing for a bit.

DH and I just stared at the frozen image of our transfer on the screen, held each other and cried. DH is too cute, he made me a bed in the back of our SUV so I could comfortably lay down the whole drive home (2 hours) and I immediately hit the couch when we got home. My RE says bed rest for three days so I am binge watching and laying around which is harder than it sounds. I'd love to get up and go for a walk!

Late Thursday night I got some pretty severe cramps that freaked me out and woke me from a dead sleep but after about 20 minutes, they went away. Yesterday, I just felt twinges but today, the cramps are back with a vengeance and feel like AF cramps.

What scares me is that today is the day AF would normally arrive. So having AF cramps is scary. I am absolutely terrified and every time I go to the bathroom I am afraid I am going to see blood. I think all these meds (PIO, Estradiol, Crinone) should keep my period away but why have I been cramping all day? I am gonna loose it if AF shows today before my embabies have even had a chance. I'll feel like I killed them. :(

Please send me prayers and sticky vibes, I am kind of freaking out!

FET is a go for 7/9!

*****I wrote this post a week and a half ago and somehow only save it as a draft, rather than posting it!

On Monday I went for my lining check and everything looked great so I guess I am doing my estradiol shots correctly which I a relief because my butt looks nothing like the butt in the little diagram they gave me and I wasn't sure I was doing them in the right spot. Blood work on Wednesday confirmed all is well so I start my PIO on Saturday, z-pack and Medrol on Monday and transfer is on Thursday!

For the past few days I have been both excited and nervous but today I am just plain scared that it isn't going to work. I'm scared my body is going to kick my little embabies out and I'm so worried that DH is going to take it really hard.

Throughout this journey he has been supportive but not really hands on. He never asked questions about things and wasn't the most sensitive about how I was feeling on meds. Then it was like a switch was flipped when he saw the pictures of our embryos. He wants to know every detail and constantly talks about "our babies." He's even bothered by the fact that our embryos are in a lab two hours away. Apparently that's too far ;) it's cute and sweet and terrifying. He is so attached and so full of hope, I'm scared he's going to be crushed. At this point, I'm so jaded I'm used to the failure. It's hard and it hurts but in my mind and heart, failure seems more likely than success. Part of that is just me protecting myself but the scary thing is, he's not used to doing that.

With prior failed treatments, he says he wanted it to work for me but for him, it didn't matter either way; he'd be happy with kids or happy with just the two of us. Now, he REALLY wants this, he keeps saying he will be really sad if it doesn't work. It's just scary to have to think of both of our emotions in all this.