3rd Beta and more

Just to be sure everything is progressing, my doctor ordered a 3rd beta for this past Monday and it came back at 18,671 which is a doubling time of 34 hours! :) We are pretty excited that things are moving right along and have ultrasounds scheduled for the 10th and 24th of August. After that, I'll graduate from my RE and move on to an OB.

I've been surprised at my ability to push out all the scary thoughts. I decided, once I saw the first test with a second line that I was just going to celebrate my pregnancy. I was not going to dwell on fears or what-ifs, I was going to be happy that I am pregnant, take good care of myself and think positive thoughts. So far, I've only had a few scary thoughts creep into my mind and I've managed to push them away. I am pregnant, happy and excited.

We told my parents and sisters and my BFF (mostly because my parents were here during IVF and FET and both of my sisters knew what was going on too) but haven't told DH's mom yet. TBH, neither of us trusts her to not tell other people so we are waiting until at least after the first u/s to tell her. It's kind of hard because she lives down the street but I've been avoiding any talk about IF treatment with her and DH has been intervening as much as possible. Also, DH has decided that he no longer wants anything to do with his drug addict sister and brother and she is still in contact with them and he doesn't trust her not to share our news with them.

In other news, we've decided to do a DNA test for DH to find out his heritage. He is adopted and what little info his parents were given, they've never passed on to him. I am Irish to the core and celebrate my heritage and DH doesn't want to have to tell our baby(ies) that they are Irish and who knows what else. TBH, I have always thought that DH is Cuban. He was born in Florida and most definitely is not a white boy, it's the only thing that has ever made sense to me. We are both really excited to find out his background. :)

So, that's all my news for now! I am still adjusting to not being a part of the IF community anymore, which has been a bit of an adjustment. I miss my girls and am rooting for them like crazy but from a distance now, which is hard. I pray that they can all join me on the other side, soon.

Cramps are a good thing! ****BFP WARNING*****

My clinic likes to torture people and not give you your results until after the second beta comes in. But my nurse is not a masochist so she actually called me yesterday and said that my first beta was 110 (at 8dp5dt)!

I was super excited but also nervous because what I really wanted to hear was whether or not the numbers were doubling! I knew I was KU because I POAS obsessively:

So finally, this morning, my nurse called and said my second beta is "wonderful" at 661 (11dp5dt)!

I am so excited and so totally knocked up!!! I cannot believe it! I'll be back after I've had time to process but I just really wanted to share the good news!!!

PUPO!

On Thursday we transferred two beautiful hatching embies that melted my heart. The transfer went perfectly, my lining looked fantastic and I almost peed on the table! LOL When they had me lay back at an angle after it was over, I had to pee so bad, I was holding myself and DH went out and got my nurse and asked for a bed pan. I just couldn't hold it! So, I relieved myself in the bed pan and then went back to relaxing for a bit.

DH and I just stared at the frozen image of our transfer on the screen, held each other and cried. DH is too cute, he made me a bed in the back of our SUV so I could comfortably lay down the whole drive home (2 hours) and I immediately hit the couch when we got home. My RE says bed rest for three days so I am binge watching and laying around which is harder than it sounds. I'd love to get up and go for a walk!

Late Thursday night I got some pretty severe cramps that freaked me out and woke me from a dead sleep but after about 20 minutes, they went away. Yesterday, I just felt twinges but today, the cramps are back with a vengeance and feel like AF cramps.

What scares me is that today is the day AF would normally arrive. So having AF cramps is scary. I am absolutely terrified and every time I go to the bathroom I am afraid I am going to see blood. I think all these meds (PIO, Estradiol, Crinone) should keep my period away but why have I been cramping all day? I am gonna loose it if AF shows today before my embabies have even had a chance. I'll feel like I killed them. :(

Please send me prayers and sticky vibes, I am kind of freaking out!

FET is a go for 7/9!

*****I wrote this post a week and a half ago and somehow only save it as a draft, rather than posting it!

On Monday I went for my lining check and everything looked great so I guess I am doing my estradiol shots correctly which I a relief because my butt looks nothing like the butt in the little diagram they gave me and I wasn't sure I was doing them in the right spot. Blood work on Wednesday confirmed all is well so I start my PIO on Saturday, z-pack and Medrol on Monday and transfer is on Thursday!

For the past few days I have been both excited and nervous but today I am just plain scared that it isn't going to work. I'm scared my body is going to kick my little embabies out and I'm so worried that DH is going to take it really hard.

Throughout this journey he has been supportive but not really hands on. He never asked questions about things and wasn't the most sensitive about how I was feeling on meds. Then it was like a switch was flipped when he saw the pictures of our embryos. He wants to know every detail and constantly talks about "our babies." He's even bothered by the fact that our embryos are in a lab two hours away. Apparently that's too far ;) it's cute and sweet and terrifying. He is so attached and so full of hope, I'm scared he's going to be crushed. At this point, I'm so jaded I'm used to the failure. It's hard and it hurts but in my mind and heart, failure seems more likely than success. Part of that is just me protecting myself but the scary thing is, he's not used to doing that.

With prior failed treatments, he says he wanted it to work for me but for him, it didn't matter either way; he'd be happy with kids or happy with just the two of us. Now, he REALLY wants this, he keeps saying he will be really sad if it doesn't work. It's just scary to have to think of both of our emotions in all this.

Drumroll please

Introducing, five of our six embryos!

On Friday, I went in for my baseline and got the all clear to start FET prep. We also got to see pictures of our embabies (somehow my doc didn't have a picture of the 4th day 5 blast, but that's ok). We were both in awe and completely blown away by how in love we are with our little bundles of cells. We had to wait a bit for me to be shown how to do my estradiol injections and while we were sitting there, I told DH that I missed them already. He jumped up and went and told one of the nurses that I was already having separation anxiety and asked her for copies of the pictures. I was so excited and the whole way home I kept staring at our little peanuts.

They are grade 2 (on a 1 to 3 scale) expanded blasts and my RE said all of them look great, especially the first one which he said was beautiful (it takes after me ;) )

At this point I am doing estradiol injections twice a week and next week I'll start my doxy and shortly thereafter my medrol and progesterone. Transfer is tentatively scheduled for 7/9!

SIX!

On Wednesday, my nurse called to inform me that only four of our embryos had made it to blast on day five and were frozen. I was pretty sad. She said they were going to let the rest continue to grow to day six, just to see what would happen but she didn't sound very optimistic.

Four is under the projected average for my age. Four means only two FETs. These four are our only shot. We can't afford another round of IVF, this was our only chance.

Thankfully, my nurse called back on Thursday morning and said that two more had made it to blast over night and were frozen that morning. PHEW! I don't know why I am so relieved by six instead of four but I am. I am so happy with our six!

The only thing I am unhappy about is that we have never spoken to the embryologist and we have to wait until my baseline appointment, after I get my period (hopefully today) before we find out the grades and quality of our frozen little peanuts.

But for now, I am reveling in our six and hoping that these cramps mean AF will be here ASAP.

10 Little Peanuts

I wanted to blog right after ER and all weekend but this OHSS is no joke, ya’ll. I have barely been able to move and have been in some serious pain, even while on pain meds. But right now, I can finally sit up for about a half hour at a time so I thought I’d take this time to get an update up!

Friday, ER DAY!  Doc came in before our ER and very cutely rubbed my leg while he told us the risk of OHSS is too high to do a 5 day embryo transfer. He said we needed to do a freeze all but promised that I could do my FET the very next cycle. I cried, DH consoled and they shoved the IV in my arm and knocked me out. J 45 minutes later, they were done and we had 21 beautiful eggies.

On Saturday we got the call that of those 21, only 15 were mature (probably due to the fact that I had a 5000 iu trigger, rather than a 10,000 iu trigger due to my OHSS). Of those 15, all were fertilized with ICSI but only 11 fertilized normally. I was sad for the loss of our four.

Yesterday, we got the call that we still have 11 peanuts but that one of them is a slow grower and it doesn’t look good. So for now, we have 10 beautiful little embabies, growing away. We will get another call on Wednesday afternoon, after the freeze, with our final total.

When my nurse calls, she said she’ll set up a phone consult with the doctor for Thursday and he’ll go over all the grades and we’ll discuss my FET and how many we will transfer. Right now, we are set on two but if quality is an issue, we will transfer up to three, unless my doc can make a compelling case as to why it would be beneficial to transfer more. Hopefully, we have quality on our side and will just be able to stick with two.

I was pretty devastated that I don’t get to reunite with my embabies tomorrow as planned but I’m still so uncomfortable, the idea of a full bladder right now is terrifying so I know it’s for the best.