So far, so good!

I'll cut straight to the point and then give details, at this point, I'm in the study!!!!!!!!!

It took a full two hours to get to the clinic but DH and I rocked out to an 80's playlist and talked a lot. Used to the disappointment of IF, I had convinced myself that my PCOS would disqualify me from the study and that I wouldn't be able to move forward. Fortunately, that was not the case because my PCOS fx is based on elevated androgens and excessive hair growth, not the standard string of pearls which would disqualify me from the study.

But I digress, I'll start at the beginning. Our first impressions of the clinic were mostly positive, the building is new, the receptionist was very nice but not in a fake way and the waiting room is large with comfy couches. There were only two negatives: *****babies briefly mentioned**** there were two babies in the waiting room (grrrrrr) and they were running behind. The running behind worried us a lot because at my former clinic, they often ran an hour or two behind but, it turned out that they were only running twenty minutes behind and my new nurse apologized profusely for the delay, which we appreciated. When we were called back, my new nurse introduced herself (she is very nice) and took us to Dr. W's office and told us he'd be with us shortly. We immediately noticed no fewer than sixteen diploma-ish looking things on his wall (DH counted). He's an RE and OB/Gyn, board certified in both and has some other accreditations I didn't get a chance to inspect because he came in so quickly! 

First off, Dr. W is a HOTTIE! With beatiful blue eyes, nice! He was very friendly and said straight away that he had read my chart (sent over by my former clinic) but that he wanted to hear our story straight from us. Immediately I liked him and realized at that moment just how little my former RE (Dr. G) actually listened to me. I could tell DH really liked him because he actually talked to him, he never talked to Dr. G, DH later said that he really like that Dr. w didn't talk down to him. So, I told him our whole story and he asked lots of questions about our life in general and told us about himself (he and his wife were actually married in the town next to ours). The only thing he found odd about my prior treatment was my cancelled iui in which Dr. G had me take all 10 pills of Femara on one day. After I told him everything, he agreed that IVF with ICSI is a good recommendation for us and explained the study in great detail. We asked a lot of questions and he answered all of them with detailed explanations. He also told us the pitfalls of the study but said that his clinic has been involved in the study for two years and he had no safety concerns. His biggest dislike is that the study protocol requires all patients to start out at 400 gonal f/afolia (it's a double blind study so some women get gonal f and some get afolia) and he can't change that dosage until day 6 of stims. He also doesn't like that the protocol requires the use of crinone gel for progesterone, PIO cannot be used, this is a problem because crinone is messy and causes vaginal bleeding which makes patients very worried and stressed (I love that he is concerned about his patients getting worried) although it is just as effective. The final thing he doesn't like is that the study requires a three day transfer, he prefers five but he said that if we had extra embryos, they can go to day five before freezing so that is a plus. 

After we finished the discussion, he said that he wanted to do a u/s and as long as everything looked ok, they would enroll us in the study! The u/s went well, he and the nurse noticed my cock (rooster) socks that were from the Christmas exchange (thanks Tiko!) one embarrassing thing that happened was that he pointed out calcification at my cervix (which it turns out is from rough sex! We had a good Valentine's weekend! Ha!) which means it is healing *blushing*! He could see scarring from ends around my right ovary but he said the way was clear for the needle so it should be ok for ER. I o'd this month on my left side, which I knew because I felt it and he said I had a perfect follie count for the study. In the end, he went and got me the protocol for the study, consent paperwork and said, Congratulations, so far, you're in the study!" And shook both of our hands. 

Then we went over timing. AF arrives next week, too early to start the study because I won't turn 35 until the following week and I have to be 35 to be in the study. So, when I get my first period after I turn 35, I will go in on cd 2 for a u/s and bloodwork. As long as my FSH is below 12 and I have between 10 and 20 follies, I'll start bcps to prep for ivf! He said that based on past u/s results and bloodwork, he thinks I should be good to go! YAY!!!!!! Since yesterday I have read the study paperwork six times! Lol

The study covers all ultrasounds, bloodwork, SA's (which we don't need because DH's counts have never been lower than 78 mil and that was with no abstaining), semen prep, most of the ER, ICSI, ET and the study drug (gonal f or afolia). It doesn't cover all of the ER ($2500) anesthesia ($500) cryopreservation and storage ($1000) or BCPs, lupron, ovidrel and crinone so we will be OOP on those (if you know anyone who has extras, send them my way). 

I am excited and am feeling optimistic. And I feel at peace, I feel like this was the way it was supposed to go which is a really nice feeling. We have one more hurdle to cross so I'm praying hard everything looks ok at the end of March (my March AF should be March 23rd or 24th). 

Sorry for the novel! Thank you all for your love and support, it means a lot to know I have people pulling for me!!!!!!

Anxious

Thank you, ladies, for all your support and encouragement about my attempting to get into the study! I vacillate between being super exited and optimistic to being nervous, anxious and certain I won't get in. I've sought out some blogs of women who were accepted into the study, so I know what to expect (I need ALL the knowledge), and have found that unfortunately the first appointment is just the first step to approval. Isn't that how it always is with IF?

I am glad I read about it though so I know what to expect. The first appointment will determine whether or not I have the proper diagnosis to be included in the study. Thankfully, I've been through all the initial testing before so I should be ok unless there is some surprise in the notes from my first RE that I don't know about. If all goes well at that appointment (Tuesday), they will have to do another SA for DH and cd3 bloodwork and a u/s for me. They'll be looking at my FSH levels and I will have to have between 10 and 20 follies at my cd 3 u/s. Fingers crossed I will be ok there too because they are looking for an FSH under 12, which I have always been, and the fewest follies I've had at a cd 3 u/s is 11. If everything looks good at that point, I'll be accepted into the study and will get started with my protocol immediately because the study ends at the end of March.

At the moment, I am excited and optimistic but that usually changes every other hour so I'm sure I'll be back to worrying in no time!

AW: Consult Appointment for Clinical Trial

This morning, while moping over my coffee about the fact that I am going to be 35 soon, a thought popped into my head about a clinical trial in a neighboring state (The Ivy Study). A few months back, I sent an email to the clinic requesting info about the trial but because I was 34 at the time and the trial is for women between the ages of 35 and 45, I never got a response. BUT, I am going to be 35 soon, maybe the trial is still open, I thought.

I looked up the trial and called the clinic closest to me about the trial. The receptionist asked me a ton of questions, put me on hold forever and came back and said that she talked to the person in charge of the trial and that she said to get me a consult appointment right away! The first appointment they had available that I could make is the 17th, so the 17th it is!

It turns out that the clinical trial ends at the end of March so, if I qualify, I would start Lupron in a couple weeks and then start stimming right after my birthday! Of course, I am getting ahead of myself. First, I need to be sure I qualify for the trial. I have read over the disqualifications and I think I will be ok, but obviously that will be up to the doctor and study people (I am picturing a bunch of people in white coats, standing around holding clipboards). The cost of stims is covered and the cost of IVF is halved if I am able to participate, which we could almost manage with the contributions we have had so far and our savings. My mom and dad and sister have offered to help with what we cannot manage.

I'm trying not to get excited. I keep reminding myself that this is by no means a guaranteed shot. I may not qualify. If I qualify, things might not go well, what if I don't respond to this medication? What if I overstim or am cancelled? But excitement keeps creeping in and I can barely contain myself at the thought that we might actually get a chance to have our chance!

Just saying HI!

I am trying really hard to get back in to blogging and blog stalking now that I have my office under control. It's not been easy, getting used to doing the accounting AND the sales, but I have a better handle on it.

So, HI!

DH and I are still trying naturally, although it's cd3 so obviously it hasn't been working, and I'm diligently taking all my vitamins and supplements and have managed to stick with the ISWTE diet for the most part.

My 35th birthday is coming up in a month and I am not looking forward to it. Everyone keeps asking me what I want for my birthday and all I keep thinking is: a few years back? For my eggs to stop aging? For me NOT to be 35? I try not to think about it but I'm about to be welcomed into the AMA world and I'm not looking forward to it.

At least I have gotten over the fact that we aren't doing IVF before I am 35 like I wanted. It's just not gonna happen no matter how much we scrimp and save. Hopefully, the things that I have planned in the next six months will bring in the income we need to be able to do IVF this summer. Hopefully.

So that's really it in my world! Work, take care of my animals and husband, try to have a miracle baby and save for IVF.

Liebster Award

I can't believe it's already that time of year again! My friend PackerFan4Life nominated me for the Liebster Award!

The Liebster Award is passed along from blogger to blogger in a way to recognize bloggers with less than 200 followers and get to know one another better. Each blogger answers 11 questions, tells 11 random facts about themselves, nominates other bloggers and poses questions to the nominees. So let's get started!

Questions posed to my by Packer:

1. What is your favorite thing about your life right now?

I would have to say that I  am self employed. It is difficult because everything falls on me but it is rewarding because when we are doing well, it's all because of my hard work and that is very satisfying. Plus I work from home!

2. When you're having a bad day, what is the one thing that is guaranteed to lift your spirits?

My animals! They are so sweet and loving and I always know that when I am having a bad day I can just snuggle up with one of the dogs on the couch and they will give me love and comfort. Tully isn't very cuddly, but she's always good for a laugh when she runs and trips over her feet or frolics around chasing bees or butterflies :)

3.What is your main purpose in blogging?

At first it was just to keep a timeline of events. After a while, it evolved into a way to try and stamp out the stigma that surrounds IF. I also use my blog to provide information on different supplements people can use in conjunction with treatment.

4. What is your favorite book?

My all time favorite is Tess of the D'Urberville's by Thomas Hardy. I had to read it in college and fell in love with it. It was one of the required reads that I read in two days (I barely slept) because I found it so interesting.

5. What is the last thing you bought for yourself?

Burt's Bees shampoo and conditioner, face wash and night cream! I threw away all of my products containing phthalates and parabens and have been slowly replacing them. Btw, their face  wash smells so good, I want to eat it!

6. If you could go anywhere, where would you go?

I would go to Ireland. My grandparents were born there and came to the US when they were young so I still have family living there. I would love to go meet them and see my country of origin :)

7. You have 20 extra minutes before work, what do you do?

I go on FB to check in with my IDOB ladies and of course hit up GBCB on proboards!

8. What is your favorite animal?

Sloths. Definitely sloths. I want one badly!

9. What is your best trait?

My eyes. They are blue, green and orange (around my pupil) and I think they are stunning!

10. We all have them, what bad habit can you not seem to quit?

I bite my nails. I used to bite them down to nubs but I have gotten a lot better and they are actually pretty long but when they get too long, I bite them down rather than getting nail clippers. DH hates it!

11. If you could push through any political reform, what would it be?

I would push through the mandate that requires insurance companies, in all states, to cover treatment for IF, including IVF. I think it's ridiculous to pay over a thousand dollars a month for insurance that doesn't cover the one illness that I and many others have.

11 Random Facts About Me:

1. I currently have 14 animals (dogs, cats, horses, goats and chickens)

2. DH and I got kicked off our local golf course for racing the golf carts.

3. I love brussel spouts and eat them at least one day a week.

4. I am obsessed with the snowman song from Frozen. I sing it all the time and have for months! I usually dance around when I sing so the puppy has associated the song with playing. When it comes on, she runs around and jumps up and down.

5. My favorite dinner is breakfast. I love a good scramble or some waffles for dinner and it's my go to when I don't really feel like cooking.

6. My original career choice was teaching. I have a master's degree in education and a teaching credential for high school English.

7. I lost 70 lbs three years ago and have kept all the weight off.

8. I like to dye my hair funky colors. I started going grey when I was 25 and since then have died my hair every "natural" color there is and have even died it purple and blue.

9. I really want a pig as a pet but DH won't let me :(

10. I grew up in the city (SF Bay Area) but have always been a country girl at heart. We now live on 24 acres in the Sierra National Forrest.

11. I'm a prepper!

And the nominees are:

1. ttuprincess

2. Naria Dreaming

3. megrae1225

Packer nominated the other people I would have chosen!

Questions for the nominees

1. What is your dream career?

2. Who do you always turn to when you need support?

3. What is your favorite thing to do in your spare time?

4. Big or small, if you could change one thing that is wrong with the world, what would you change?

5. Who is your hero?

6. What is one thing/person that has had the most influence on your life?

7. What is your favorite food?

8. What was your favorite thing to do as a child (trips, games, activities, etc.)?

9. Would you rather read a book or watch a movie/tv show?

10. What is the most exciting or out of the ordinary thing you have done?

11. If you could travel to any place in the world, where would it be and why?

Healthy Eggies

Lately I have been making some big changes in my life to help my body produce better eggs. I figure that while we are saving for IVF, I need to do something and I definitely want to go into our first IVF cycle knowing that I did everything I could to contribute to a successful outcome. This all began when I read, "It Starts with the Egg." There were tons of things I didn't know about egg development and I am thankful the book was recommended to me by a friend.

Since reading the book, we have eliminated all plastic cups and food storage containers, changed all of our cleaning products, changed all of our personal care products including makeup, soap, shampoo and deodorant and changed our diet. I'm also taking the right kind of CoQ10 in addition to my PNVs and Pregnitude.

Overall, the changes haven't been too hard, changing our diet meant learning a lot of new recipes but that is actually fun. The only real challenge I have had is with Shampoo. I went super crunchy and in an attempt to save money, I bought castille soap online and made my own shampoo. I do not recommend this. My hair was ok after the first washing and I figured it wasn't a big deal. I could handle it. I could not. After the second washing, my hair felt coated in wax. By the third washing, it was a waxy tangled mess. If I had short hair, I could probably get away with it but my hair is very long, down to the middle of my back long and my castile soap shampoo was not gonna work. So, I ordered some Burt's Bees shampoo and it is much better. My mom promised me some honest company stuff for my birthday too so I'll have that as an alternative.

I'm on my way to making good eggies for IVF. Even if these changes don't make a huge difference, at least I'll know I did everything I could!

Still Here!

I know it may not seem like it, but I am still here! It's hard to update an IF blog when nothing is going on. DH and I are still trying for a miracle and saving up in the meantime. We have had a lot going on with the puppies and family visits and drama with his side of the family so I have only been online to do work and keep up with TB and IDOB.

I just finally finished reading "It Starts with the Egg" and boy am I in for some lifestyle changes! DH and I eliminated all of the plastic in our kitchen and I (begrudgingly) parted with all of my makeup and hair care products. I am massively guilty of making a completely processed food full dinner one day a week so we are eliminating that as well. Our monthly grocery trip is going to be very different. Since DH is allergic to fresh fruit and veggies, it will be hard to try and make separate dishes for each of us for dinner, but I am going to try. Shampoos without all the bad stuff are expensive and we are on a strict budget so I am going to attempt to make my own shampoo this weekend. It can't be that hard, right? I already make my own soap so shampoo can't be that hard. We shall see how it goes. It kinda makes me feel like a "crunchy" but whatevs! 

The puppies are eight weeks old and ready to go to their new homes! It's crazy to think it's been eight weeks already. Two pups left on Wednesday and all but one will leave this weekend. Part of me is SO ready for them to go because they are so much work and part of me wants to keep them all! I will definitely miss their sweet little faces.

Here is one of the boys:

Excuse the non-IF related tirade I am about to go on, lately I have had a lot to process with DH's family and I just need to get it out. Feel free to skip it!

DH's family is a mess. Remember the meth addict SIL? Well her fiance got arrested on NYE for possession and driving while intoxicated. I don't like to make assumptions and usually give people the benefit of the doubt, but in this case I will not. If he is using again, so is she and it's unacceptable. I've never met an addict who can have someone living with them, who is using and not use themselves. I will never understand how it is that she can have kids (two amazing, wonderful kids) and I can't. I feel like I am a good person, I always try to do the right thing. What is wrong with the universe that allows such terrible people to be parents?

DH's dad (adoptive) is a terrible person. Terrible. We found out some facts about his past that are truly stomach turning and we want no part of him in our lives. We have long known that he had an affair when DH's mom and dad were first married. What we didn't know is that the so-called affair was actually him molesting a young student while he was a pastor/teacher. We also found out that he is suing us for property that we own that he lived on. Who does that?

I feel bad that I don't feel bad that I told DH that we are done with his family. Finished. I do not want to speak to them, see them or have them near either of us. They are truly poisonous people and I cannot have people who behave the way that they do, in my life. I have an extremely long fuse. I am patient and forgiving and for 14 years I have continued to allow these people into our lives and home, regardless of their transgressions, but his sister's drug abuse and dad's disgusting behaviors are not something I can continue to tolerate. The only thing I do feel bad about is the fact that he keeps apologizing for me having married into the mess. I jokingly said, once, that if I had only known... but have since changed my response to, but then I wouldn't be with you. I hope it gives him some solace to know that I don't blame him, he was adopted into the mess!

I hate to play to comparison game (my family is better than yours) but really? I thought my family was a little BSC. I had no idea what a BSC family really was.

So that is what's going on in these parts! Not much on the IF front but we'll get there eventually!